I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sorry about my life...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
