I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
