No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
50% drunk capacity currently
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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