Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
