just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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