I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
