I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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