On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
