You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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