Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
