my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
