Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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