She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
