You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
