The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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