yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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