woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
