I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize