I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think I won the penis lottery.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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