I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The air was thick with penises
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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