help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
