I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I could fuck to npr.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
