..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
