I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
