i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
