just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
