I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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