How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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