i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
