I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize