If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
