He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
