I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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