this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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