I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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