Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
