My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
