Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
