hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize