FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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