I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
