Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
