Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize