All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize