so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
