please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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