Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
