You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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