is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize