That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
