We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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