he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We need to rekindle our bromance
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
