She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
