New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
