Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
