girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
