I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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