They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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