i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
