...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
