Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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