Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize