ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just pynch a tree in the face
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
