she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
