I think my fart just growled at me.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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