Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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