Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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