I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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