You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
